why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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