Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
