i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
