I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
