cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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