Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
