I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
