She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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