Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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