Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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