Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
