I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I've blown a few things in my day
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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