I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
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um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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