and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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