im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
