Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
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Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
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Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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