i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize