If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I cut my penus on the lid.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
