she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
