Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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