I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
