I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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