why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize