hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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