I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This baby is an asshole
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
