And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Randomize
