Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Never underestimate the power of titties
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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