you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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