I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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