I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
being pregnant is like rehab
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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