She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
