Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
