Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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