He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
