I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
