the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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