Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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