I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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