i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
