I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
