Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
is wine microwaveable?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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