i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
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could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
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And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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