somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm at about main and main street
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
