Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
