i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
