If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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