I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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