This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
