i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
