I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
