yo everyone went to the hospital last night
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
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The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
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I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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