party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
