I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
