Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
