I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
