I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
