as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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