I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
