he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
