I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
