Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
