Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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