so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
