"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
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I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
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turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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