either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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