im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
