I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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