woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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