we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
