OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
