It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i drank out of a bidet.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
